You know, the first reason that I started this blog in the first place was because I desperately needed some sort of creative outlet where I could feel like I was still doing something that I liked even though I have a job that I couldn’t care less about. I toyed with the idea of a private LJ but I just knew that sometimes there were times that I wanted to write precisely because I wanted people to read it, and not because I just had to let something out.
Unfortunately for you, dear reader, now is not one of those times.
As of the moment I am having difficulty picturing my life. Sure this is characteristic of those of us in our 20s, and God knows I know that it doesn’t just magically get easier around every corner. I don’t mind paying my dues, and I know that it will certainly take some time before I can actually get to a place where I feel completely fulfilled. It’s just that now I know that I am climbing up a ladder that I don’t even want to be on. The dilemma I have now is, do I stay or do I go? I’ve always known that this job was not going to be permanent. Hell, I didn’t think I’d last three weeks much less the four months that I’ve been there now. But now that you think of it, four months is such a measly time. That hardly counts as experience when I want to apply to other companies. It is hardly a milestone.
You see, I can look at it two ways: I can quit now because if I’m so miserable already and it’s only been four months, what am I going to feel when it’s been a year? OR I should stick around because it’s only been four months and I need to rough it out and see how I’d feel after about six or so months.
Anyway, as for now, I’m sick. So please understand the excessively bratty thoughts. Maybe I just need to get better, and remember what it feels like to not be swimming in a world of goo. Or maybe I need to buy myself a new pair of shoes. Either way, I hope ya’ll are having a good week. I’ll see you when all the goo is over.