I haven’t posted anything for a while now, mainly because things got kind of crazy. Which, coincidentally, completely supports the main reason that I’m writing today – the last day of 2010.
When it comes to major events, there is nothing that is more addled with both beauty and irritating cliches than the Internet. Or more specifically, social networking sites. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and what have you will be/are already filled with much overused phrases about the ending year. “This year was awesome.” “This year was shit.” “F*** you, 2010” and all that. But of course we, as massive supporters of this ridiculously inane act of trying to sum up 365 days in less than 20 words, can’t help but join in. And as I looked back and tried to come up with my very own cliched hate/love statement about the ending of the year, I found myself at a loss for words. And honey, I am never at a loss for words.
I guess my mind, tired albeit optimistic as it is, just couldn’t fathom how so many things could possibly happen in one year. I graduated college with two degrees (minor and major). I moved out of Prince David, which had been my home for two years. I got a job. I got promoted twice in less than 8 months. I moved out of my house into my very own place. Countless couples broke up. I go to travel with my friends abroad. The most random people hooked up. Men passed through my life like bad jokes and even worse hangovers. I reached the highest peaks and the lowest, gut wrenching lows. I got the most depressed I had ever been in my life, yet I can still pinpoint specific moments of absolute bliss. The struggle with my crippling insecurity came out from under the bed and into the light. I grew up. I didn’t give up.
I think it’s a shared conscience right now, this looking forward to the new year. Sure there is always hope when it comes time to end another 365-day time loop, but this year it feels different. I wouldn’t say that 2010 was bad, but I wouldn’t say that it was awesome either. Whenever I try to look back and talk about how this year was, I can’t think of words, but I instead feel emotions, very many of them, all at once. Unbelievable relief, sadness, frustration, pride, annoyance, giddyness, curiosity, wonder – all wrapped up in this aching want for next year to be so much better. I think the characteristic of my generation is that we are never fully satisfied with what it is that we have. Maybe it’s because we’re given so much or that our world is much more filled than it was in the past. But although this can be construed as a bad thing, and although it may lead to countless people living in unfulfillment for the rest if their lives, I do think that in this case that is a good thing. That constant need for more, for better, that is what is going to drive me, my peers, and everyone around us to have a good new year. That is going to be the fuel of 2011. We are going to have a good year because of us. Because we will not be satisfied with what we have been given, and by golly we are always going to ask for more.
I think 2009 was definitely worse than 2010. Especially since in my own circle of friends, there were losses that really hit hard. But then that was also the Ondoy year, which meant that hundreds of thousands of Filipinos also felt a deep, personal loss. I think after 2009 ended, everyone just kind of wanted to get some down time. I think that’s what 2010 was – really, really long down time. There were some ups and downs, but these all happened somewhere in between the spheres of almost sucky and almost awesome. Maybe because of the long pause that was 2010, we’re all ready for a little bit more action again. We’ve stopped and smelled the roses, dried and aired out our drowned belongings. Maybe 2011 is the time to move.
Well, who knows. All I can really be sure of is my own fate, my own immediate future. I already know what I want in the next 1, 2, 3 years. And as soon as that clock hits midnight, it is officially going to be Game. On.
So, what about you?
Happy new year, everyone. Stay safe, keep all your fingers, and remember that in the morning is the chance to create something completely, brand spankin’ new.